071: Butterflies (In My Stomach)

Okay, I need opinions!

Based on my rants in this blog, do you think my writings are good? Do I have a strong or moderate command of English? And most importantly, can I write?

Answer A.S.A.P.!!!

Anyway, other blogs have pictures and stuff to tell readers about their whereabouts and all. Why don't I? I keep forgetting that I have a blog to 'showcase' all. Hahahax!!! Last week trip to the arts museum was great. Now, I want to go to the National Museum (there are having some Egyptian stuff and mummies going on). Oh, and here pics from last week. More in Facebook. :-)

070: Self Censorship

I had typed out a long entry for this post, but decided to delete them all. Mainly because:

I'm confused
I'm not sure if it's me who's talking
I don't want to offend anyone
It's hypocritical (sort of)
I don't want people to start debating with me
This is a topic that have no conclusion
This is one of the four things that you cannot argue about: religion, race, music, politics

So I typed another entry. And again, I delete them all. This time round, it's because:

It's too personal (I need to let it out though)
It will strain friendship and ties will be severed
It will cause awkwardness
It may show my weakness

So... What the hell should I write on? Oh, I know! Maybe I can tell you what I ate for dinner?
Boring...
(Chicken curry with rice by the way :-P )

069: Presenting = Hell

I suck when it comes to presentations. I'm still a shy boy (wahahahahahahhax!!!). Maybe because I only know half of the people in there. I was shivering and mumbling like a train (yeah, fast mumbling.

This is what I've said, DIFFERENT from what I was PLANNING to say:

"Hey.. New artists have been covering songs from previous gene.. I mean, artists .. bands from the previous generation, as they are still relevant in this age, err... New generation... Kids in this new generation don't want to listen to the previous bands, because they think it's bullshit. For example, The Offspring... from California, covered the song Blitzkrieg Bop, originally by the Ramones. The song is about the German World War II.. in 1964 or something? (Shit, since when I failed history!) Also, heavy metal band Megadeth, covered Anarchy In The U.K. by the Sex Pistols, as they want to reach out to metal listeners... or fan or whatever, about the political situation, and still relevant (okay, it's not that relevant). Even Bob Dylan's song have been covered for the Live Nation concert, as his song is relevant to the thing.. Global climate... Global warming or something.. Now, I'm going to pass it to..."

Epic fail.

068: Confused State of a Metal/Punk Kid

"I don't know why. I think I have high ego and low self esteem", I said.

"You're a confused guy."

Maybe I am. I don't know. I want something... big. I won't settle for anything less, because I don't want to be seen inferior. But I don't think I'll get that something, because I think I don't deserve it, or I'm not up to that level.

I want something, but refused to ask for it, as I don't want to be seen as desperate, and also, I don't think I'll get it.

I need that something, but I don't have the capital to initiate it, and it will be embarrassing if I showed that lack of resource, even if there are possibilities that I will get it. At the same time, I don't think I will get it, because I think I'd fail miserably.

This confusion has been around for quite some time (years even). I believe I could escape this madness if I have that one thing. But I'm unlikely to have it anytime soon, or worse, ever.

Discouraged. Heartbroken. Ravenous. Infuriated.

Faith? Can I spend it?

I'm starting to hate my life again.

067: Bored Upon Arrival

The gig was managed by a bunch of idiots. I won't list down the number of screw ups they did before the gig, because that's not my problem. But as a ticket buying consumer, I'm going to COMPLAIN about the management during the gig.

First, they did not manage the time properly, or should I say manage the bands? The organiser was afraid to approach the bands performing on stage that their time was up. Pussy. Big fucking pussy.

Second, during the performance by WormRot. One of the crew wanted to tell the band that their time was up, but tried to scream from where I was standing. Of course they can't hear, stupid. And suddenly he was like, "Yelah, aku cakap tak nak dengar pe" (I wanna speak but you guys ignore me (something like that, I suck in translation)). You are supposed to go to the stage to tell them, douchebag. It's noisy, how to hear you out? You expect people to hear you every time you talked ah? Who are you man? Some high profile rock star?

Thirdly, they chopped off the time for the last two bands. I was waiting for Thy Fallen Kingdom (TFK) to performed. I headbanged my head off during their set. But, after playing three songs, the organiser told them to stop, because of time constraint. WHAT THE FUCK??!! What can't you just extend the time at the bar? So cheapskate ah? Fear of gaining little profit? Fuck you all!

One of the lousiest gig I went to. I could list down others stuff. But, I wanna go out now (HAHAHAHAX!!!).

066: Funny shit here.

From Lamebook

065: Down With The Sickness (Probably)

Image by death-by-pizza via deviantART

I think I'm going down with a flu. The peril of not bringing an umbrella to work. It suddenly rained while I was eating my lunch. It was hot for a moment, and suddenly, BAM!!! Heavy shower with some streaks of lighting. I had to walk in the rain to get back to my workplace.

But before that, I had a smoke (and hoping for the rain to stop, or at least 'calm down' a little). A lady was approaching, and suddenly asked, "Do you want an umbrella?" She was looking at me. I took out my earpiece and ask, "Whose umbrella?" And suddenly a man was right infront of me. They seems to be friends, and I think I made a fool of myself, thinking that she was talking to me. But I SWEAR, she was looking at me! What the fuck! Why look at me when you're talking to another person. God dammit! That must be the most embarrassing moment of the year! Stupid stupid stupid!!!

Anyway, I don't like carrying an umbrella (unless I'm in a suit or something, I would make the umbrella a cool accessory). If I do carry one, I'll make sure it's black, with no stupid logo of some financial institutions.

I usually get sick once a year. But this year, it's been twice (not including the upcoming one). Is this the sign of aging? Wait.. I'm not even 25! And my body have been aching since "I don't know when". Shit..

I need a massage, and I don't know where to get it. Asked some friends, and was told of some places. Just when I was about to thank them profusely for the information, they added, "If you want extra, $50". Fuck that shit. I want to go to a massage parlour that DON'T offer extras! Legitimate massage please!

My back... Oh, my back...