068: Confused State of a Metal/Punk Kid

Sunday, November 29, 2009

"I don't know why. I think I have high ego and low self esteem", I said.

"You're a confused guy."

Maybe I am. I don't know. I want something... big. I won't settle for anything less, because I don't want to be seen inferior. But I don't think I'll get that something, because I think I don't deserve it, or I'm not up to that level.

I want something, but refused to ask for it, as I don't want to be seen as desperate, and also, I don't think I'll get it.

I need that something, but I don't have the capital to initiate it, and it will be embarrassing if I showed that lack of resource, even if there are possibilities that I will get it. At the same time, I don't think I will get it, because I think I'd fail miserably.

This confusion has been around for quite some time (years even). I believe I could escape this madness if I have that one thing. But I'm unlikely to have it anytime soon, or worse, ever.

Discouraged. Heartbroken. Ravenous. Infuriated.

Faith? Can I spend it?

I'm starting to hate my life again.

067: Bored Upon Arrival

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The gig was managed by a bunch of idiots. I won't list down the number of screw ups they did before the gig, because that's not my problem. But as a ticket buying consumer, I'm going to COMPLAIN about the management during the gig.

First, they did not manage the time properly, or should I say manage the bands? The organiser was afraid to approach the bands performing on stage that their time was up. Pussy. Big fucking pussy.

Second, during the performance by WormRot. One of the crew wanted to tell the band that their time was up, but tried to scream from where I was standing. Of course they can't hear, stupid. And suddenly he was like, "Yelah, aku cakap tak nak dengar pe" (I wanna speak but you guys ignore me (something like that, I suck in translation)). You are supposed to go to the stage to tell them, douchebag. It's noisy, how to hear you out? You expect people to hear you every time you talked ah? Who are you man? Some high profile rock star?

Thirdly, they chopped off the time for the last two bands. I was waiting for Thy Fallen Kingdom (TFK) to performed. I headbanged my head off during their set. But, after playing three songs, the organiser told them to stop, because of time constraint. WHAT THE FUCK??!! What can't you just extend the time at the bar? So cheapskate ah? Fear of gaining little profit? Fuck you all!

One of the lousiest gig I went to. I could list down others stuff. But, I wanna go out now (HAHAHAHAX!!!).

066: Funny shit here.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

065: Down With The Sickness (Probably)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Image by death-by-pizza via deviantART

I think I'm going down with a flu. The peril of not bringing an umbrella to work. It suddenly rained while I was eating my lunch. It was hot for a moment, and suddenly, BAM!!! Heavy shower with some streaks of lighting. I had to walk in the rain to get back to my workplace.

But before that, I had a smoke (and hoping for the rain to stop, or at least 'calm down' a little). A lady was approaching, and suddenly asked, "Do you want an umbrella?" She was looking at me. I took out my earpiece and ask, "Whose umbrella?" And suddenly a man was right infront of me. They seems to be friends, and I think I made a fool of myself, thinking that she was talking to me. But I SWEAR, she was looking at me! What the fuck! Why look at me when you're talking to another person. God dammit! That must be the most embarrassing moment of the year! Stupid stupid stupid!!!

Anyway, I don't like carrying an umbrella (unless I'm in a suit or something, I would make the umbrella a cool accessory). If I do carry one, I'll make sure it's black, with no stupid logo of some financial institutions.

I usually get sick once a year. But this year, it's been twice (not including the upcoming one). Is this the sign of aging? Wait.. I'm not even 25! And my body have been aching since "I don't know when". Shit..

I need a massage, and I don't know where to get it. Asked some friends, and was told of some places. Just when I was about to thank them profusely for the information, they added, "If you want extra, $50". Fuck that shit. I want to go to a massage parlour that DON'T offer extras! Legitimate massage please!

My back... Oh, my back...

064: My Lawyer Made Me Change The Title of This Entry (So That I Wouldn't Get Sued)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I'm going to complain more about "foreign talent". I never realized how this trend affect Singaporeans in a big way.

Until recently.

Now, foreigners not only hold those construction, cleaning, housekeeping (etc) jobs. In my office, there a few foreigners who can't speak English, yet, they are holding those desk bound position (jobs that many Singaporeans are looking for). One of them even gets citizenship after staying here for 4 years (he served NS by the way). And he is the only one who can speak English (very SLOWLY). The rest? The rest talked to me in their own language!!! How the fuck can I understand?

For housing, do you realized that Singaporeans are getting kicked out of their own house because they can't pay up their monthly mortgage? (Due to retrenchments, etc) Imagine, they have paid half of the mortgage, only for their house to be repossessed. Sure, foreigners can afford to buy a house here, because they have a JOB!

Don't tell me the history of our forefathers (who were foreigners). When they first came here, this little dot was NOTHING!!! They worked real hard, and made Singapore the way it is now. But the current immigrant? They are just enjoying the escape from their country here!

I'm not shifting the whole blame to these foreigners. The other half goes to the people who 'import' them here.

The future seems bleak for the original Singaporeans. I have made a vow, and that is to migrate if I can afford to (can you see the irony here?).

The mass communications field in the U.S. is wide, and I'm considering that option.

If "change" is coming, I refuse to believe in anything again.

063: Iqbal

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Let me teach you how to pronounce 'Iqbal'.

Say: "Eeeek-bhal". Not "Eee-bhan".


062: D?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The outcome was bad. I got a 'D' for Advertising!!! The paper was easy!!! How the fuck I get a 'D'??? I'm not the only one though. Others are getting lousy grades as well (there is only a single 'B' and no 'A's!). So appeal we must! My first 'D'! Damn it! There must be something wrong with the marker. 8 full pages of answers not enough for you ah?

Anyway, I find it weird that every time I took the train with Aaron, funny things happen.

We were discussing about our next assignment (another 2500 words of crap, a drop from 3000), which is any topic related to Communication. I decided to do 'Communication in Heavy Metal' (typical of me), and told Aaron about one aspect of Communication, which is non-verbal (or maybe hand sign), and start showing the horns and the middle finger. "Stop doing that, you're embarrassing me!". "You mean this?", raised my finger mid-way in the air.

A couple with their two kids were sitting in front of us. The two little girl started to follow, trying to make horns and putting up their finger (no prize for guessing which one), imitating me. Fuck!!! Raised my hand to apologize, and the mum was laughing, "Oh, it's okay. It's okay" Aaron: "See, baaaad influence!"

The girls were cute though... Especially the younger one. She kept looking at me after we alighted (they drop at the same station) and going down the escalator. Cute little creature I'm telling you.

Talking about assignment... I can't find anything on Heavy Metal and Communication!

Time to find another alternatives I guess.