090: The progress so far...

I have just finished my first term for my Bachelor. The assignments were mind-blowing. You see, for two of the assignments, I have to read some articles and make some references to Aristotle, and his three rhetorical approach to convince and persuade people. The articles given were interesting, something that I would definately read. But to analyze and write a critique on it? Woah...

I failed miserably. I'm not referring to the grades. I passed five of the six assignments (I'm still waiting for the result of the last assignment to be released) mind you. I got one Distinction and four Credits, which sucks actually, because I should have worked harder and get all distinction for the assignments. But you know me, always waiting till deadlines to start on those assignments. I cannot believe that I'm still fooling around even at degree level.

Now back to my failure. For one of the assignments, I decided to work on a piece of article regarding former U.S President Bush. It was quite a long piece, with two A4 size pages of text with fonts of 10. I spent a week analyzing that article, but still couldn't grasp the whole purpose of the writer for that article. I gave up eventually, and focussed on an article by a prisoner of war who uses emotional appeals and abstraction to persuade the audience to disagree with an agreement between his country and Japan (due to the WWII apocalypse). It was easier, but I only received a Credit for it! Humph!!

There's a couple of other failures as well, but let's not elaborate further. For now, I'll just wait for the last assignment's result and be prepared for the start of a new term this Friday.

P/S: Have you seen my new hair? :-P

089: *blank*

I was reading through my previous entries in this blog (not the old one). And I find the older entries interesting (self-praising mode activated). Now, I don't know how to construct an interesting entry.

What is wrong with me?!

Dear creativity, please hit me...

088: A Different Direction

I'm not sure if I have made the right decision, but hell, I've made it, and I need to make the best of it. I scrapped the plan to continue with my Advance Dip. I left that school (half-heartedly), to start on a new journey.

I'll be taking my Bachelor of Arts instead! You have to admit, Adv Dip is bullshit. I don't understand why a university whose ranking is not that great have strict requirements. I am enrolled in a much better Uni now (and definately harder), so it's time to buck up and stop fooling around (okay, I won't stop, but let's not make that often).

Orientation last Tuesday was rather... entertaining. Let's see if there is more entertainment to come (I doubt so, but let's just hope). My only gripe is that the CD-Rom that was given by the Uni won't work with my awesome Macbook Pro!!! Argghhh!!!!

Maybe it's time to install Windows on my Mac. I'll just allocate a small space for it (1 GB can?).

Looks like I'll be friends again with Windows (just friends, coz I'm married to Mac).

If only they have a Mac Edition for me...

087: A Stranger In An Island

I no longer feel at home. The faith I had diminishes with each passing day. There is no pride in being here. I am constantly being stepped upon by people who are supposed to be the strangers.

We are no longer the pride of the establishment. Just take a look at our surroundings. The filthy rich and the pathetically poor, establishmentarian vs. disestablishmentarian, the blind patriotic vs. the 'anarchist', heavy censorship vs. free speech, and the list goes on and on. The former are triumphant, no matter how big their size are. We are blinded by the propaganda machines that present itself in the form of media.

People demand change. No, there will be no change. We are comfortable with the current situation. We know the truth, but prefer lies. Lies are simple. Simple is bliss. We admit defeat, and live in decline. Change is farfetched. I know it. You know it. We know it.

There will be no change. Stop hoping. Stop believing. It's time to leave. I desperately need to leave. They remove the 'pro' in progress and add an 'ag' and an 'ion' in it.

I want to leave.. Any kind soul willing to spare me $300,000? No, I won't pay back. :-D

086: Goodbye (This time, it's for good)

Dear Windows,

I know it's hard for you to accept the fact that you're no longer good enough for me. How can I be happy with crashes, viruses, and 1000 more things that you cannot stay away from? We have been together for more than 10 years. Fuck, I've spent half of my life with you!!!

This time, I'm really leaving you. Sure, you tried to make it up by releasing Windows 7. But you can never satisfy my lust for speed, efficiency, and 1000 other things that you can't provide for.

I'll never forget about you though. How can I? I go to work everyday, and I have to face YOU!!! We may not be in a relationship anymore, but we are still colleagues. And you will be one of those people that I hate at work (you just freezes on me earlier today at work, and I have not fucking saved my documents!).

I'll never forget the times we had together though. We have gone through thick and thin together. From those enormous floppy disk to the smaller ones (now, they are extinct). CD writer to USB memory sticks. Windows - Windows 95 - Windows 98 - Windows ME: Millennium Edition (call it Mistake Edition) - Windows XP - Windows Vista - and now, Windows 7. And of course, our journey to more than a million websites over the years.

Let's not reminisce over these bitter sweet memories. It's over now. I've found more than just viruses, slow loading, and crashes. She is definately much more better than you, and she will be mine forever (or maybe until something better comes out. Hey, I'm a guy! Deal with it!).

Goodbye. I'll miss you... NOT!

Yours sincerely,
Iqbal 'DaemonChylde' Mohamed

085: Moving On

Confessing the bad things I have done, I am not doing it for you. But for me. Only me. My reflections. So, no, your forgiveness you said you won't ever give is not required

I'm learning to let go, even though your shadow is still lingering. I'm still wondering whether you were my sweetest dream, or my nightmare.

If we meet again, I hope we have already achieve our dreams. The dreams that we have revealed when we spend hours daily on the telephone. The dreams that we discussed every time we met. The dreams that we shared when we slept together. Dreams that were not built on sand.

We may meet again.. But will it be for good? Or are we destined to stay apart? Will reconciliation benefit the both of us? Or will it destroy the dreams that we have built?

Will we ever find out?

084: Iqbal - Part II

I can still tolerate Eee-bhan or Eee-bhal. But not Eeem-mwaa, Imran (wtf?), Akba, Iqmal (if you can pronounce this, then I don't understand how you can't pronounce 'Iqbal'), Eee-ma, and Shiva (yes!! I'm not kidding!! I've become a Hindu god!)

Children, let me teach you how to pronounce 'Iqbal' slowly...

Eeeeeeekkkk....... bhaaaaaalllll......

083: The Singapore Dream

Most of us are definately chasing after those 5 Cs: Cash, Car, Condominium, Credit Cards, and Country Clubs. I am one of them. So far, it's two down, two to go (I'm not into country clubs). But I don't think I will ever be contented with what I have. I wouldn't be happy with a million bucks, a Mitsubishi Evo, and a condo at Bedok Reservoir. Any Dick, Joe, or Harry can afford that! I want more.

A few hundred millions or billions, with a Lamborghini, and a mansion (or maybe a penthouse will do) in the heart of the city. And of course, some power.

That's what I call a dream, and I am willing to sell my soul for them.

I will. I swear.

082: Weird

How weird can someone or something be?

Just when I thought I have seen everything...

081: Cigarettes & Red Bull - The Final War (For This Certification)

Nope, not really the end. I still want to continue with a higher certification. But with a new job that might 'stop' me from continuing, there might be a.... Wait, what the fuck? No no no!! I won't let this happen. I will work for a few months, and then try to negotiate with the person in charge. Lessons are twice a week, so I believe they can accommodate the schedule. Can't be doing overtime every day right?

Anyway, this coming exams will be a heavy one. I really mean it. HEAVY! The dynamic of Mass Communications will be tough to handle. But there is something else. A topic that I need to digest for this Tuesday exam.

Religion.

I have to write about one probably. And I don't know which one to choose. I'm contemplating between (in alphabetical order) Christianity, Hinduism, and Islam (I don't know anything about Buddhism, sorry).

Christianity: The bible, history & culture, philosophy, Trinity.
Hinduism: The 2 epic books (Mahabharata & Ramayana), the different Gods, history & culture.
Islam: The Qur'an, Hadith Nabi, Tasawuf.

*sigh* Religions are hard to fathom. Since I really can't decide, then there is only one thing left to do...

*eeny meeny miney mo...*

080: Mathidiot

Am I getting dumber, or the primary school mathematics syllabus are getting (ridiculously) harder? Some of them I don't even understand!!! I left all my mathematics knowledge in secondary school (I was never good at it anyway).

And all of the questions require the students to do some 'working'.

"Angela have $20. After spending $3.40 on cocaine and $2.60 on liquor, she found another 50% of what she's left with on the floor. How much money does she have now?"

Me: Oh, it's $21.
Sis: I want the working!!
Me: What working?

The module on Economics that I've done in my current school is not helping at all (all I remembered was equilibrium ^@!$&$ supply and demand of ai ya ya ya elasticity of blah blah blah marginal walauwey diminishing returns what the f&$# opportunity cost hell yeah!)

Somebody shoot me in the head please.

079: Light In This Darkened World

I knew I was not ready for it. But when the time comes where I am fully prepared, will I get the same "opportunity"?
Or something better will come? Or worse, none at all?

How do people dispel negativity? Am I attracting all the bad energy because of my negativity?

Do I need someone/something to be my light; or should I be the light, in this darkened world?

078: Pleasure & Sorrow

I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

Robert Browning Hamilton
(From 'Have a Little Faith' by Mitch Albom)

077: Time.. Flies!

I will be finishing my current course soon. Exams in 3-4 weeks, followed by a Graduation Project, to be handed in May. I will definately continue with my Advance Dip. Still deciding whether to start immediately (August intake), or take a break and join the November intake. But time flies so fast. I believe many people asked why. Here's my theory:

Many of us keep demanding that the weekends come soon. And not only on Mondays, but on any other weekdays. Imagine the number of people who keep begging for weekends to come soon.

Heard of the term "mind over matters"? It's true. The mind is a powerful force. And how many people are thinking of the same thing (for the weekends to come fast)? Millions. The universe received these signals from their minds, and therefore, made it happen. So stop wishing for the weekends to come, and embrace every single day. (Note: I don't practice what I preach here)

Wait, do you guys understand what I'm trying to say?

076: Tweet

aaronissocool: ah lians are hot...

DaemonChylde: @aaronissocool She is hotter...

aaronissocool: @DaemonChylde other fish in the sea dammit, OTHER FISH IN THE SEA!

DaemonChylde: @aaronissocool I still want that fish. She makes me whole..

aaronissocool: @DaemonChylde stop saying shit like that, i swear to god i'll pop u... now be quiet & quit rockin the boat.

075: Farewell

It's strange how a little argument can lead to the severance of friendship. You said there are other factors that made you think about cutting ties with me, and that argument triggered it. I'm still clueless about the other factors.

Yes, I was being an ass. I was insensitive towards your feelings. But was it THAT bad? I believe your perspective of me have changed now. I know there is a lot of negative feelings about me in your head now, and you will never stop hating me.

Can we start over? How I wish I could go back in time and retract what I've said. But meta-physicians have yet to create time machines, and even if they did, it will be inaccessible to any of us.

I love you, but you will never know (because you don't read my blog). If you read this, you would probably laugh at my.. weakness.

I hope we can be friends again. I miss hanging out with you. I miss chatting with you. I miss listening to your rants about stuffs. I miss seeing/hearing you getting angry at people or situation. I miss everything about you.

I can only hope... Boy, this is hopeless.

074: Detach

First of all, do this Johari Window of me: http://kevan.org/johari?name=Iqbal99 .

Oh, exams over (for now). So I can start on my Dan Brown (The Lost Symbol) and Mitch Albom (Have A Little Faith) now. I think it's best that I start reading them soon, so I can stop thinking about... stuff. It's already definite that I don't qualify for 'entry'. But I'm still.. grieving, and my sorrow is so great, that it disable my ability to draw a line.

My friend said, "I don't want to say this, but: I've told you so. Do you regret now?" I have no answer to that. "Everything happen for a reason, and I hope it will make you stronger, and make a better choice next time".

The problem with me is that I won't settle for anything less. Let's say the thing that I want now is a Lexus. If I don't get it now, then my expectations will be higher. I will only settle for a Ferrari next. "You need to tone down your expectations" she further advised. Fuck, took me years to find it (well, I didn't find it.. It just.. came).

My 40 minutes chat with her was not.. soothing. I was still feeling like shit. Even now. But thank you for being there and trying to give me some comfort.

It would probably be a good idea to detach myself from all forms of communication (just for a few days or a week). My cell is already switched off, and after this post, I will disconnect myself from the byte highway. "Because of *********************? The 'problem' will still be there"

I just need to be alone for awhile. It may not be a gratifying solution, but better than not trying. Right?

I wish I could take sabbatical leaves, and hibernate for a few months at home. No communications, no going out (even to the 7-Eleven), no nothing. Just lying on my bed, read some books and newspaper.

Maybe I will make it happen.

073: Cigarettes & Red Bull: Understanding Human, Race, and Religion. Through Mass Communications?

My brain is still pounding from whatever things that happened for the past few weeks, thus disabling my concentrations on the revisions for tomorrow's exam (or rather, later in the afternoon). If I get a penny for every confusion I've had for the past weeks, hell, I could buy an island! (Okay, that's exaggerating)

I get mixed reactions from the people I know. One was surprised (and she calls me stupid), one was baffled, but supportive.

Maybe I can attribute some psychological explanation to their reactions (why not? I'm supposed to be revising now, and probably this will help me get a better understanding of the subject). The surprised one was having this perception that I won't be foolish enough to be wanting it, and wondered what made me wants it. Her assumptions of the thing was all negative, and she was not supportive, but rather, waiting for the 'demise' of my need (or should I say want?). The supportive one was practicing cognitive dissonance. He probably thought that it was a bad idea, but, he still supported me. (Okay, I don't think this will help me for exams, :-P )

It doesn't matter what they think. I'm certain that I have found what I was looking for. Sadly, I'm also convinced that I won't get it. This is probably a once in a lifetime thing. And now, it seems that I won't be getting it no matter how hard I tried.

Damn, I hate myself now. Why must I be different?