074: Detach

Thursday, January 14, 2010

First of all, do this Johari Window of me: http://kevan.org/johari?name=Iqbal99 .

Oh, exams over (for now). So I can start on my Dan Brown (The Lost Symbol) and Mitch Albom (Have A Little Faith) now. I think it's best that I start reading them soon, so I can stop thinking about... stuff. It's already definite that I don't qualify for 'entry'. But I'm still.. grieving, and my sorrow is so great, that it disable my ability to draw a line.

My friend said, "I don't want to say this, but: I've told you so. Do you regret now?" I have no answer to that. "Everything happen for a reason, and I hope it will make you stronger, and make a better choice next time".

The problem with me is that I won't settle for anything less. Let's say the thing that I want now is a Lexus. If I don't get it now, then my expectations will be higher. I will only settle for a Ferrari next. "You need to tone down your expectations" she further advised. Fuck, took me years to find it (well, I didn't find it.. It just.. came).

My 40 minutes chat with her was not.. soothing. I was still feeling like shit. Even now. But thank you for being there and trying to give me some comfort.

It would probably be a good idea to detach myself from all forms of communication (just for a few days or a week). My cell is already switched off, and after this post, I will disconnect myself from the byte highway. "Because of *********************? The 'problem' will still be there"

I just need to be alone for awhile. It may not be a gratifying solution, but better than not trying. Right?

I wish I could take sabbatical leaves, and hibernate for a few months at home. No communications, no going out (even to the 7-Eleven), no nothing. Just lying on my bed, read some books and newspaper.

Maybe I will make it happen.

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